Alphabet Soup - M is for Me Day Mondays

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My sweetie left for Cuba yesterday, with a gaggle of our friends. I miss him already. I made it through the night though. No nightmares. Now I sit back and relax and enjoy the rest of this week of bachelorette living :)

Okay, so maybe not that wild. I am proud to say that I went to bed at a decent time last night. It meant that I was up early to enjoy this day, which started out with a good chunk of time in bed, catching up on blog reading.

After the Breakdown (aka 6.8.10), my bed was my favourite place to be. Second favourite was the couch. Usually with the lights low and the curtains drawn. As I started to get stronger, I did the classic me and tried to do everything, and take on too much. I remember having low key weeks, time at home, an art class, an appointment or two, and then the weekend would hit and I would want to make up for it, and keep up with my sweetie. Needless to say, by Monday morning I was exhausted and needing recuperation time.

Except I would feel stressed and guilty about everything I wasn't getting done. J came home one Monday eve to me in tears because of all the things I felt I hadn't accomplished. We sat down together and wrote out a list of everything I had done that day. It was quite extensive. Though I hadn't left the house, I tackled what some people would take on in a week. Two things happened that day. First, I started making those lists at the end of every day, so I could bear witness to how much I was doing and connecting it to how I was feeling. It only took a week or two to get the point across.

The second thing we instituted was a "Bed Day". Just because I was getting better didn't mean that I had to be all the time. It was okay to have a day to put it all down. Just rest and relax and recharge, and do what I wanted to do, not what I felt I needed to do. I loved my bed days. I had a reason to say no to things, not schedule things that day.

As I continued to heal, my bed stopped being my favourite place to be, except when I'm curled up with my sweetie nodding off to sleep. If I want to be there at other times, it's a good sign that I need to recharge, or I'm getting sick. I was fighting off a bug last week, and it drove me up the wall that I needed to be in bed. I think that's a good sign

Now, I have Me Days on Mondays. For a while that meant At Home Days, which was needed to preserve and refuel my energy. As I shift away from that it gets a little blurrier... about what falls on which side of the Me/Relax line.

Not having my sweetie here this morning made me realize that the best first step to Mondays is not getting up right away. The rest I'm sorting out. I've really enjoyed having an art filled morning so far. Updating my 365 pictures on Flickr, spending time with Picnik, making a really cool folded origami envelope out of wrapping paper to send something to my snail mail buddy B at Sweet Limes... all made me happy and calm.

I can't show you what I sent B, yet.. though I can finally show you the ATCs I made in January :)





Now we shall move on to the photography portion of this program :) There have been a lot of floral photos in my collection lately. No apologies. It means I've been getting a lot a flowers lately!


Alli's theme this week at Happy Monday is Yellow. I love this picture. The petals of the pink flower in the background curling through, trying to embrace the daisy.

I had a little fun playing with it in post. Dropped the exposure a little and raised the temperature, which brought more of the yellow out in the centre of the daisy. I love the little dusting of yellow on its petals. And then, I couldn't resist and had a little rendez-vous with Picnik. A little vignette was all I needed...

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This next shot is something I hope to working on this week. I love this shot in theory. All I've done to it so far is a little crop. I want to soften out the skin, make it less pink, except that would involve masking and PhotoShop (insert scream from Psycho). I downloaded the MCP mini-fusion action last week and I have been planning to learn how to use it. It's on my list for this week.

Lucky me, Ashley Sisk, of Good to WOW, is going to be showing everyone how it works! Hopefully I will have something a little different to post up and show you on Thursday!

In the meantime, I will enjoy staring at that sunny day we had at the beach, and miss my sweetie something fierce.

Hope Rocks

Today is officially the last day of my Experimental Art e-Course by Amelia Critchlow. I have immensely enjoyed it and I have gained so much from it. No longer do I fear the blank pages of my art journal, or cling to the simple and ordered. Messy, blurry, Big? Bring it!

Our final assignment was to embark on a little guerilla art. A while back I was wandering my pal Red's blog and read about her participation in something called Hope Rocks, a movement started by Woodstock Lily. What better reason to finally put this into action myself?

So, yesterday morning, I grabbed my sweetie and headed to the beach. It was super sunny and absolutely gorgeous. We had a lovely time, cameras in hands, stopping to admire the little things.

I collected up five rocks I felt to be worthy. The plan is to shoot them in their natural habitat, shoot their transformation, and shoot them in their new home. Here's the first one that I completed yesterday.

Hope Rocks - First of Five

This beauty was re-nested at the Home and Garden show. I hope that it will have a hope-full journey.

Comfort

Did I tell you that we felt an earthquake here this week? Just a little one, about 3.2 on the Richter Scale. Just enough to give you pause, and remind you that the solid ground beneath you is always shifting.

I've been shaking things up in my art this week too. Breaking out of some comfort zones. Now, I'm well aware of my penchant and passion for capturing on "film" grandiose, sweeping landscapes and super sharp, precise macros. Project 365 has been helping to kick me out of that box, pushing me to look for uniqueness at all angles, and I got an even bigger kick from Amelia this week, in my Experimental Art e-Course. We've been exploring the experimental edge of photography. Blurry shapes, shadows and more. I am so happy I was able to give way to this, because I've been getting great results.

Playing with less light.

Playing with editing
(Original here)

This next one is actually one of my favourites of all time, and will be making its way into my BFA application. Which I am working on this weekend!!

~***~

On the flip side, as I explore my way outside of my comfort zones, I've been finding and creating comfort as well. Another assignment I had this week, in an entirely different milieu, was to make a Comfort Box. Earthquake preparedness is part of the norm here, and students bring little comfort kits into their schools at the beginning of the year to be stored in earthquake bins in the school yard. This is kind of similar, except it's meant to bring you comfort and safety when you're feeling the unsteady ground emotionally. Plus I was able to decorate mine, and the items I chose to put in it are not only reminders of the love and support I'm blanketed in, they are also reminders of my growth.

I was really happy with how it turned out too. I was drawn to a sturdy tin, that smells like crayons inside. First I prettied up the outside. Then I added some broken crayons and blank card stock, and a mini iPod, and I plan to collage some messages into the lid and bottom. I've decided to keep my keys in it, so that I focus my attention on it every time I head out into the world from the comfort of home. And every time I return back to it as well.

This little project was also very timed. As you know, my sweetie is heading to Cuba for a week, and as much as I am overjoyed for him, I've been a little rattled. Nightmares like to sneak in and taunt me when they know that he's not tucked up beside me, my guardian. However, I am now feeling a little more settled and prepared, knowing that I armed with comfort.

~***~

Hmm... if only I could find a way to put this in there too. (My sweetie is almost always guaranteed a laugh, or at least a smile, from me when he does an imitation of one of our favourites) :o)

Wishcasting - Dare!

I think when you've been broken, you gather up the pieces, and stash them away. In many different places.

If the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, then I wish to dare to be whole. To unwrap the pieces from their bubble wrapped hiding places, and bring them back together. In the light.

I am a daughter
I am a sister
I am a niece
I am an aunt

I am a partner
I am a friend

I am loved

I am an artist
I am a photographer
I am a model
I am a writer
I am a poet

I am joyful
I am perceptive
I am healing

I am the pieces
I am the whole

In response to Jamie Ridler's question:

What do you wish to dare?

Alphabet Soup - K is for...

Alphabet Soup - J is for JOY

Alphabet Soup Sunday is growing and evolving. I think they would be more aptly named Alphabet Soup of the Soul now, as they share a little insight into me, are often somewhat cathartic, and tend to appear a lot closer to Monday than Sunday ;)

I woke up this morning happy, no, excited. I woke up excited this morning. Kind of like this:

I woke to the birds and the best of intentions.

I will try every way I know to express them.

Adapted from Breakthrough

by Isaac Dust

What a fabulous way to start a day!

For starters, today is the last day for submissions to the JOY photo challenge. I will be posting them up for you to indulge in first thing in the morning. That means you still have one more day to grab your cameras, or dig through your photo boxes and media files!

There will be a week of voting to decide the winner, and then? Following that, there will be a week of voting on my potential B.F.A. application/portfolio submissions. I need your help! (insight, feedback, gentle critiques). So exciting!

~***~

Ok, so let's talk about Joy! Here's the plan. I'm going to pour my heart out a little, and share with you what's been going on the past week and a half. Then I'm going to have a bit of a creative projects show and tell. Then I'm going to give it up to you to share some Joy, since it's my favourite topic!

Here's a little something to listen to while you're reading this :) One of my faves, from back in the days...

If you've been reading along with me lately you will know that I've been having a grand ol' time! Conferences and day trips, gaining and gifting blog awards, two excellent days at my dreamy new part-time job, my very first ever guest post and a super fab and swanky date with my sweetie. And, on several occasions I was told that I had made someone's day! All of that crammed into the past 9 days.

It was probably one of the most rewarding weeks I've had. It was also one of the most challenging. That's the beauty of Joy. It carried me through, and I was still able to share it with you.

What you probably didn't see through all this triumph, was me in some wicked Serotonin Withdrawal. If you, or someone you know, is taking, or considering taking, an SSRI (anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety), please listen up, then go online and do as much research as you possibly can. I thought that I had done well, and was reducing mine carefully. I could have done more to avoid this incredibly intense roller coaster I've been riding for 2-3 weeks.

The first couple of days were great. Then I turned into the Hulk with PMS and a constant low-grade migraine. It started out as a tight head and dizziness, and a slight edge of nausea. Then we threw in some sucky-ness, whiny-ness and the easily weepies. Which could quickly turn to irritability, rage, and explosiveness. Oh, and the self-doubt, unforgivingness and extreme sensitivity to even a whiff of perceived control. (Those last three were a lovely combination with my excellent timing of trying to implement more structure and scheduling into my life!)

Thursday was the worst of it. That moment on the roller coaster when you're slowly click, click, clicking to the top of the biggest hill, and you look down and think, how am I ever going to survive this? Thursday I had an I'm not leaving the house day, well, more like an I'm not leaving my bed day. I couldn't even tolerate light. These are the types of days I had plenty of when I first fell to the mercy of this breakdown. I hadn't had a full cocoon day like this in months. (The quiet also helped me realize that I was also experiencing brain-zaps (paresthesia) which can be best described as a pulse-like shock or shiver).

This is the point when many people coming off of anti-depressants/anti-anxieties give up. They think that maybe they weren't ready. Also, one of the things you might read in the online forums, is people in the middle of withdrawal, swearing that they never would have gone on them in the first place if they knew what it would be like to get off of them. I want to add a little balance to that perspective.

Disclaimer - I am not a doctor, I don't play one on tv, and I'm not sleeping with a drug rep.

• Choosing to go on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication to deal with the Post-Traumatic breakdown was a tough decision. I used to work in mental health services, and I knew logically that they could help get me to a place where I could benefit more from other treatment options, like counselling, art therapy and group work. I am grateful that I was able to see the potential of this first line of defense for myself.
• If you or your doctor feel like you may need to stay on your SSRIs for life because you're "addicted" get a new doctor, asap. Seriously. I have heard this and I have read this. This was never where I was at and I am so grateful. The doctor handling my medication assured me that we would work together to get on them, and off them when the time came.
• Feeling like you haven't made progress, when you're in the middle of a withdrawal, is common. The symptoms are similar. Work with your doctor (one who knows they're stuff thoroughly) and stick through it. If the timing is right, you will get to the other side!
• Eat well. This can be tough if you would rather eat nothing at all, or if all you want is carbs and sugars. Three meals, and snacks in between, that are high in protein and complex carbs and low in fat and simple sugars. This will help keep you balanced as your body is flushing the stores. Acupuncture can help with this too.
• If you can, get your prescriptions filled at a smaller pharmacy where you can build a relationship with the pharmacist. It helped me a lot to know that I could talk to mine whenever I had questions.
  
• Even if you have reduced to the lowest dosage available of your medication, you can still go lower! It is often suggested to reduce to every second day, and then every third. Have patience. Take your time. Going slowly means a happy transition. Otherwise, the alternative is putting a huge strain on your loved ones, and having to buy new shirts when you tear them apart to flex your big green muscles!

At the end of it all, the good news is that I'm medication free. If taken back in time, would I go through it again knowing that the first med would wire me up like a kid on Coke and candy? That I would get incredibly lethargic and irritable whenever I was in the midst of a dosage transition? That not working through the withdrawal as carefully as I could would make we want to hide like a werewolf on the edge of a full moon? Absolutely!

~***~

So let's keep riding this Joy train! Next stop - The Happy Monday Photo Challenge

This is my first week participating and I was really excited about the theme. Sunrise/Sunset. Unfortunately, and understandably, I was melting down a little after a day of errands and country roads yesterday, and needed to be home, instead of out playing with sunsets as I had planned :( Boo. However, keeping on the theme of this post, I am excited to share with you a picture I took in the summer that was an absolute moment of Found Joy.

It was early in the morning, my sweetie was out of town, and I had just woken up from a particularly unsettling nightmare. I got out of bed, restless. I happened to look out the window and was greeted by this wonderful sunrise.

It made my day okay :)


~***~

Here's something a little more recent. I started this on Friday and promised myself I would work on it for 3 days.

The first stage was the most fun! Ribbon, cotton batting, white paint smeared on with a kitchen spatula. Green paint layered on with a fork, yep, a fork, then detailed with rosemary. Yep. Rosemary.

Added some water colour tints. I thought I was done at this point. Until I came out of my poorly lit art space and realized I wasn't :)

Ta da! The finished product. It took guts to go bold with the next layer!

Three pictures, three stages, three days. I'm grateful that I stayed committed to it. I'm gaining a lot more depth through layering, and patience :) All it needs is the dates written into it, and a title. Perhaps, JOY 2011? :)

~***~

Okay, now it's your turn! Please share with me in the comments a quick snippet of something that brings/has brought you Joy! It doesn't have to recent, or it could be something that happened today :)

This video brings me Joy. Ari Hest is my new favourite voice, and watching/listening to him sign with his mom is like being hugged.

Monday's Music Moves Me

Alphabet Soup - I is for Inspired

Wow, what a weekend!

Saturday I attended the every WOMAN 2011 conference. What I thought was going to be simply a day to be physical active, with like minded women, and a chance to try some new types of fitness classes - was so much more than I expected. I've been inspired!

Here's what I learned from the conference:

• I love conferences! When I was a teenager I became involved in leadership conferences, and other youth conferences. The energy was so incredible. I'm realizing that I love it when large groups of people come together to learn (especially when it's about themselves) for a short and intense duration of time.

• I like to be directly involved. It meets my need for belonging and my love of knowing how things work behind the scenes. ***Here's a big tip for all you starving artists - if registration costs are a little too much for you, find out if you can volunteer!*** That's what I did, and it granted me entry and a place on the team. And I am so glad I did. I was able to pop into a dreams to goals workshop that wasn't on my schedule, and it created some wonderful shifts in my perspective!

• Visualization exercises make me teary.

• I want to be an artist. Not quietly in my own space. Like out there on other people's walls, loud and proud, using my eventual BFA for professional gain, not just personal.

• Everything I need is inside of me!

• Hula Hooping is an amazing form of exercise that works muscles that I haven't been able to get at before. And so much fun! We were all laughing and cheering each other on. Even when a couple of us got hit in the face :) Want one, now!!

• Creating more structure in my life will leave me feeling like I have more freedom!

• Feeling controlled still triggers me big time.

• Art Journaling every day is possible, and probable, and can have a valued space in my schedule.

• I'm cute, and I'm okay with it. Cute in the sweet, and adorable way. Like an energetic puppy.

• I like being sexy, and I'm learning to enjoy it and be more refined in how I am. Being sexy isn't something I need to be known as. It's an underlying part of me, and there's a time and a place to vamp it up, and boy do I know how now. Even something as simple as enjoying the way my arm feels to me... is very attractive.

What an amazing experience! So, 5:00 hit that night, and I got right down to my art journaling. Thanks again Emily, for sharing yours and inspiring me. Here's one side of my first entry, using some of the doodling techniques I've been playing with, that captures a bit of what inspired me at the conference...

The amazingness didn't end there. Yesterday, the sweetie and I went on a day trip adventure. As we were preparing everything the night before, he suggested we bring the Drawing Lab book for the ferry ride, since we missed our weekly assignment. Seriously!? I hadn't want to suggest it. Drawing is something he's still getting comfortable with. Sure enough, we whipped it out as soon as we got settled on board. (I forgot our supplies, though I was able to dig a pen and pencil out of my computer bag, and improvise with what I'm hoping were snack bags). The assignment we chose was left handed portraits of each other, which had us trying to keep our volume down while we were giggling. I was so inspired by him and his portrait of me that I wanted to share his along with mine.

(Yep, that's right. He's a rightie, and drew this with his left!)

You know what else inspires me, and makes me super teary... when he told me, on a couple of different occasions now... that just being around me makes him more creative.

Wait, the story doesn't end here. There's more! While I was at the conference on Saturday I got an email that my place on hold for a book at the library (that I've been waiting patiently and eagerly for) had finally come up. The library was right around the corner from the conference so I was able to pick it up on the way home. It came with on the ferry ride yesterday too, and Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project is exactly what I need to carry the energy from the conference forward and turn my plans into actions. She's right. Some people really do learn from reading others' experiences, even if they are not monumental. Similar to Noelle Oxenhandler's Wishing Year, it seems, so far, to be a great blend of personal goals and triumphs, supported by well researched and enlightening information. I've only made it to the end of January in her journey, and I am already incredibly inspired. Following suit, I'm going to make a monthly chart to track some of my daily goals too :)(I'm actually looking forward to it!) I'm also looking forward to my new early bed time, because built in with that is a half an hour of indulgent reading in bed before lights out. Is it bed time yet? I super excited to see what happens in February of Gretchen's Happiness Project

Oh, I almost forgot. One more thing that I want to share with you. I'm guest blogging on Friday, over in Cinderitaville, the land of inspiration. I was a little stumped what to write about, until my current favourite foliage gave me a nudge on Saturday. Y'all know that I've been completely inspired by our Christmas tree. It became the subject for my camera again, and made it into my 365 project, appearing on day 22. :)

Now on to Monday's Music Moves Me! Yesterday it was recommended that I check out Explosions in the Sky. I've been in need of some good instrumental music to inspire me while focusing on school work or art adventures, and I think I've found it!

Had to Share

I found this video today through Kind Over Matter, and I want the world to see it. Extremely moving. What courage. A sign of hope for many. The line that stuck with me the most: Don't assume you know anyone's problems because you never know how badly they are broken.

Here's the link

Alphabet Soup - H is for Hoping

Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

This is the epitome of me and what I believe. Now. Up until two or three years ago, I could easily have been described as the exact opposite.

I can remember as a teenager describing myself as a pessimistic optimist. I figured that if I planned for the worst, than whatever did happen would at least be better than that. Sad. I couldn't count on anyone, not even myself. I expected people to let me down.

We are constantly bombarded with the message that as long as you know what you want anything is possible. Well, how can you even imagine what you want if you didn't believe you could have anything? If things did turn out, it was just a fluke, or luck. When things were going well, it scared the pants off of me. It meant that something was just around the corner to balance it out. I was always waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Then I moved across the country, because I wanted to. Got a job that I purposely picked and succeeded to secure. The manifestation movement was kicking up a big stir around this time. It made things so simple and concrete. Know what you want, commit to wanting it and let it come. And it worked. It had nothing to do with who you were as a person, or how much you suffered for things. Just clarity.

An amazing book I read a couple of years ago really helped to push the door open further. The Wishing Year by Noelle Oxenhandler spoke to me, and I could relate so well to her history and journey. She too felt like suffering was the standard. Her story gave a lot of weight to wishing and hoping. I think I took myself on a trip for my 30th birthday shortly after I read it. Lovely train ride and B&B with a hot tub and wine under the stars. I even took myself out to dinner and bought myself a beautiful turquoise ring. I started to make lists, particularly what I wanted to find in a partner.

This past fall, I read the book again. This time out loud to the most amazing man I have ever shared my world with (who is 90-95% of everything on my list). It opened my eyes even wider.

Here's an excerpt of an email I wrote at that time to the author:

The manifestation movement is what sparked my realization that I could bring to me what I wanted, but I loved that you found a way of doing it holistically. That you embrace abundance for yourself, and for others. The balance. I had a breakdown at the beginning of the summer, and am now dealing with things I wasn't prepared to 15 years ago, and, in general, 32 years of hurt. (I told * this morning that I wanted an ice pack for my heart!) As we travel through the months of your year, I'm reminded that I can want for myself. I have the classic tendency to put more effort into meeting and attending everyone else's needs. What I am beginning to truly believe is that I can wish for them, and wait for their requests for help, and that it's okay to ask of others to give to me (gulp).

Without a doubt, your book and experience are what helped me become comfortable with being optimistic. To maintain positivity and not fear what's around the next corner. And this what I wanted to share with * when I started reading it to him, and almost everyone I know! That we do not need to suffer or prove that we have earned what we ask for, or receive. We are all deserving, which I believe now more than ever.

There you have it in writing. I am an optimist, loud and proud. When things are good, I embrace it and know in my heart that there is more to come. The dips and bumps are not the baseline. If you want to focus on the negative, I will not join in. I am a creative problem solver and I know that there is always a way through, or over, or under, or around.

Happy Wishing!

Wishcasting - Renew

Jamie Ridler at Wishcasting Wednesday asks: What do you wish to renew?

There are a lot of things I'm working on developing in my life right now. Except most of them were never really there to begin with. So today I am wishing to renew my physical strength and energy.

I have been in a sort of state of hibernation since the marathon at the end of July. It's been wonderful. Probably the most kindest and accepting I've been of my body, since... ? I'm ready to start being more active. Ease my way back into training. It will be more rewarding this time around, because it will be balanced with that acceptance and appreciation.

The part that requires wishing power is the energy. I'm like a well that has run dry. It replenishes just enough to draw from it again, which then leaves it barren once more. (It's interesting that I used to describe my emotional energy the same way). I want to be active, and not have to compensate with eight o'clock bed times, or a full day of rest. I want my energy to be renewing, to feed and nourish itself. I want my desert to grow a damn garden.

Creativity Check-In

Hi! What a wonderful day (1-11-11) it's been. So productive. Knocking things off the check list. The past few days I have been feeling pretty fabulous actually, now that I've got my energy back.

Yesterday, the mister and I picked up our fine point sharpies again for our weekly drawing exercise. Blind line drawings of giraffes. What fun!


Here's a fun photo I posted for MCP's Project 52. I love their themes, this week being song lyrics. Oh potted Christmas Tree, how much you grow and make me happy.

I've been working away at my January Art Trading Cards. The assembly and finishing touches on the front came together today. All they need now is the back attached. And then I will have to let them go - rather, give way to their flight to their new owners. :) I wish I could show you the pictures now. Except that would ruin the surprise.

How about some pictures of a doodling exercise I did today for my experimental art e-course. I cracked open my art journal for the first time in over a month, and I am so not afraid of it anymore.

Doodly-do

Deja-Vu

I really got into this, and I'm very happy with how it turned out. How everything turned out today, actually. Oh! Did I mention that I now have a dedicated work space for my art? I've been moving everything on and off the breakfast nook table (frustrating) - and my desk desk in the office, which was meant for school work and computing has been getting none of that action. So voila, desk is now art table and all of my supplies can sit out and be free. Everything is always right at my fingertips. Happy sigh.

Happy creating to all of you. And remember to check out my 365 photo project here, and some creative challenges/giveaways here.

Alphabet Soup - G is for (pt.2)

G is for Giving Way, and Giveaways!

In part one of this two-part mega post, I mentioned giving way, referring to the space we allow people when making decisions. Room to breathe. So we don't accidently step on their oxygen and choke them, oops.

I realized today that there is another way we give way. Just as we give way to the choices others make, we give way to the choices that seem to be made for us. I don't think I believe in fate or destiny. I do, however, believe in things that fit us and that sometimes we are slower to see and realize them than we are to experience them, even as they're happening. By giving way to my artistic passion and creative ability my life is becoming simpler. Tasks that I would struggle with when I was forcing myself down paths that didn't quite fit right, have become easier. I whipped off a resume last night for a potential part time position in record time. No hair pulling, cussing, or name calling. I actually enjoyed writing the interests section, because I had them :)

It's kind of like Michaelangelo and the marble that became David.

"In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it."

Giving way, is an active process. It's more than just letting go, or letting things be, or appear. We need to be directly involved - listening, watching - allowing.

And here are two things you can be directly involved in :) Giveaways!

First, a photo challenge. Which I've decided to expand to be an art challenge. I am accepting photos or any art pieces that represent JOY! They can be emailed to me at creativelysensitive@gmail.com. I will post them up for your viewing, and voting. The winner will receive... drum roll... any one of my photos on Flickr.

Second, I signed on for a Pay it Forward program through Jodi at Living Life Photographically. The first three people who contact me and request to be involved, by comment or by email, will receive something hand made by me. All I ask is that you make something handmade for three people, and so on.

Hello 2011

Well, I've got too many words for a Six Word Saturday. First off, Happy New Year!!! I've got a feeling, that it's going to be a good one :)

My evening was beyond fabulous, and didn't end until sometime around 3 o'clock this morning. After a decent rest, we woke to the sun and a stunning view of the water and mountains. Had a delicious breakfast of baked french toast, again :) Sat and soaked up the sun pouring through the windows, while I was curled up on one of the couches with my sweetie - alternating between reading and soaking up the view. We went for a wee mini run (the first in months, yay!) and rewarded ourselves in the hot tub after. Grabbed the cameras and ambled down the beach looking for our first 365 post! What a wonderful day really. Now, I'm resting in front of the fire, with my dinner prepped and ready to go so I can join in with everyone for a big group meal.

That's me. That's my story. I'm a fighter. If something is not working, I work hard to figure out what it is, then find a solution. I'm a creative problem solver. I will keep trying things until I get it right. The last two times I went on a group trip, were... unsuccessful. This time, it's been a dream. This trip is showing me the progress I've made, and giving me fuel for more to come.

Oh, and I promised to share with you a few things today. First, my essence. My lovely friend Rita has realized that hers is love, and I've come to realize that mine is joy! It's what I seek out for myself, encourage others to find for themselves, and hopefully what people feel from being around me. The challenge I put out to you is to send me pictures of Joy! Interpret it how you like. I'm thinking to have photos in by the 31st, followed by a week of voting. The prize? One of my photos either emailed or mailed to you. Anything on my Flickr account. Fun?! Yes!

And finally... I asked for y'all to help me with my desire for snow angel making. I got these two wonderful photos on Christmas Eve, from the wonderful Emily at Broke Down Artist, who actually inspired me to come up with the idea. Look at the Joy on her face in that first pic!

Wishing that all your wishes come true this year!

reverb 31 - Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world?

(Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month.

Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

Puzzle Pieces

Jigsaw puzzles are a part of my history. It didn't feel like a Christmas holiday unless someone was bent over one, reassembling the fractured pieces into a comprehensible, cohesive picture. I excelled at them, because I could pick up on tiny details, patterns and connections.

Shortly after my breakdown in the late spring, when all the thoughts and memories that lived in the back of my brain, (swept under a rug called "I've dealt with this") came tumbling back to the front, jigsaw puzzles kept me from falling to further pieces. When I'd get home from work (why/how was I still going?), or after my pysch appointments when I finally went on leave, I would park myself in front of my Venetian scene. The thoughts that would dance and jeer incessantly would be quieted, as my attention completely focused on deciphering flowers from hedges.

In October, I gave my sweetie a puzzle for his birthday. Things were pretty stressful at work for him, and it was a way for us to quietly work on something together. I think it was a Napa inspired scene, reminding us of our relaxing time in Northern California. My mom and step-dad were here visiting from out east around that time, and I was still struggling to maintain energy and balance. One of the days that we had planned as an exploration day, I suggested we stay in. We ended up piecing together the border for that puzzle, the three of us. It felt like home.

Last night, it rained. We vetoed the idea of Christmas lights and skating, and opted instead for watching Amelie, curled up in front of the fire. And then we cracked open my sweetie's Christmas present puzzle. George Seurat's La Grande Jatte. Simply because it was the Christmas holidays. No other reason than that. How wonderful.

This was from the very first "Very Special Christmas" album... since I'm feeling a little nostalgic :) Two other favourites from this disc, and my childhood memory, can be found here and here. Aren't the hairstyles just fabulous?!

reverb 27 – Ordinary Joy

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments.

What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

Many MEs, Traveling, and Wishing

From: Me, 2015

To: Me, 2010

Hey there little lady. Hope you're enjoying the lead up to the holidays. And getting enough rest! I know how much you like to take on. You're taking the right steps, and you will figure it out. The taking care of yourself. Just breathe and know that everything will work out the way it needs to. And remember to appreciate that man of yours, you make such a great team. That's all I can say about that, without letting on too much of what's to come ;) It's been great these past five years watching all the unconnected pieces fall together, weaving into a cohesive tapestry. Rich with detail and experience.

Enjoy the rest of reverb,

Be gentle to yourself,

Big hugs,

Love, Me

~

From: Me, 2010

To: Me, 2000

What fun you're having in your life right now! Wasn't the turn of the century so anti-climactic? Those 2000 shaped fireworks were pretty cool though, hey? I can't tell you where I'm at as I write this, because I don't want anything to change. Be patient with yourself. Enjoy what you're learning. There are no wrong turns, because every one will lead you here. Some of them may hurt, and you will survive. Please hold on to that tenacious hope of yours, and that belief that everything will work out. Because it does. I want to tell you that you're beautiful and smart and talented. And you won't believe me. And that's okay. The journey getting to know these things is an incredible one. I want you to have it.

Here waiting,

Love,

Me

P.S. Enjoy that lovely skin of yours while you have it!

reverb 21 - Future self.

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?

(Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Though I would love to tell my past me about so much more. Like running the marathon in San Fran this summer, and then driving up through Napa so that my sweetie could visit some amazing wineries, and then spending a couple of nights in a cabin in the Redwoods. Oh, that was so lovely. Restful and recuperating. Napping in that giant bed and reading and hot tubbing under the stars. Mmm, and the drive down the Sonoma coast on the way back to San Fran. Stunning.

Or the road trip to the Oregon Coast for my birthday/our anniversary. Falling in love with Oregon. Listening to the pounding waves from the hot tub. Amazing home cooked meals. Stunning views along the water in Arch Cape, Cannon Beach and Ecola State Park. Seeing one of my fave duos play at the Doug Fir Lounge in Portland. And all the synchronicity around that. Sleeping in a heated platform tent in Washington, and finally having a fire. Gratitude for amazing weather at the end of September and the feeling of making up for summer.

Not to mention the surprise trip to the Washington pacific northwest coast in the spring, the many visits with a friend after she moved out of town and two fab hotel stays in Vancouver. One for a spring wedding, which happened to coincide with a visit from a friend from out east. And a combo trip that included a fun filled visit with a friend returning back to the west.

Wow, what a year. 2011 - To you I say "more please"! And more planes too please :) So far we're planning a New York City, Montreal, Toronto loop in the late spring/early summer. San Diego might be checked off my list in August (Fingers crossed). Somehow, I'm not sure how yet, I would really like to get to Mexico or somewhere lovely and tropical this year too. Also, I need to find a way to get back off this continent really soon. Maybe not this year, though I wouldn't say no if something came up :)

reverb 22 - Travel

How did you travel in 2010?

How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

Now, one more order of business until this meeting is adjourned. Wishcasting Wednesday. I had no trouble with this one this week.

What is your winter wish?

Simple, I want to make a snow angel. It used to be a tradition for me. Kind of like HeadTheGong's leaf catching. It didn't feel like winter until I had got down in the snow and waved my arms and legs with glee, making the perfect angel. I was kind of a pro at it. I still have photos somewhere I took of the ones I made with a dear friend in high school. This may not be possible, since I no longer live in the land of snow. However, if the opportunity presents itself I will take it. Hopefully, I won't be in a dress and heels...

Alphabet Soup - E is for Edible

2010 has brought me much healing. I've spoken often about the work I've been doing since The Breakdown, the reawakening of my creativity, and the transformation happening as a result. The healing I want to talk about today though, happened much earlier in the year.

This was the year that I put the final pieces into the puzzle that is my hypersensitive digestive system. I stopped eating out, even when traveling, and realized that corn is hidden everywhere. Even in the Vitamin C added to the pure, unsweetened apple juice I would drink gallons of when my energy was low, because I had reacted to something I had eaten! Healing my digestive system made a huge difference. My energy and mood finally stabilized. And, I truly believe (along with the creation of a comfortable home) that this is what made the breakdown and the transformation possible.

In honour of this healing, I will now share some of the recipes I have come to love - because they create freedom and choice for me, and it would make me so happy if they brought the same to someone else :)

Pancakes!

(I made this recipe myself, adapting a milk free recipe and a gluten free recipe)

**gluten free, dairy free, corn free, soy free, nut free**

In a large bowl mix

2/3 cup rice flour

1/4 cup buckwheat flour

1/4 cup tapioca flour

3 tsp baking powder (allergy safe)

1/4 tsp salt

Add 3/4 cup water to the dry ingredients

In a separate bowl mix

2 eggs

2 tbsp PURE maple syrup

2 tbsp grape seed oil

Add to the other ingredients, and away you go!

*We usually heat up a cup of blueberries and add a tablespoon or two of maple syrup and top them with that, and a sprinkle of hemp seed too

Crepes!

Same as above, except I use 1/4 cup of each of the three flours and 2/3 cup of water.

We like to peel, slice and bake apples, with cinnamon, to fill ours with. You can use them with savoury stuffings too... goat cheese, salmon, spinach... mmm

Chicken Curry

(How long have I been promising this one now?!)

This recipe is adapted from a "Morrocan Chicken" recipe in More From The Gluten-Free Gourmet.

It is adapted by my sweetie, who patiently dictated it to me this morning, even though he usually just wings it and it's different every time :D

• Skin and rinse 9 chicken thighs. Brown in a heavy pan with grape seed oil. Set aside
• Add 1 1/2 cups of water to that pan adding 1/2 tsp of salt, 2 tsps of sage and 1 tsp of thyme. Bring it to a boil, making sure you get all the goodness off the bottom of the pan from the chicken :) Set aside.
• Brown a diced, medium yellow onion in that pan. (Make sure they are cooked right down to get rid of all the acid). Add 4 carrots, roughly chopped, and 2 celery stalks, thinly sliced. Cook for 10-15 minutes.
• In a heated large, deep pot warm 2 tsps cinnamon, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp coriander for about a minute. Add 1 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice and 2 tbsps maple syrup. Add in the broth, vegetables, and chicken. Top up with enough water to cover the chicken, if necessary.
• Add in a yellow pepper, julienned, 10 brown mushrooms, coarsely chopped, cilantro (stalks about the diameter of a nickel), finely chopped. Bring to a boil, cover and reduce to low heat. Simmer for an hour, stirring occasionally.
• Taste and flavour - more salt, sage, thyme, coriander, cumin? We usually know it's done when the chicken is almost falling off the bone.
• Serve over rice

Recipe can easily be doubled :)

reverb 19 – Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution?

How would you like to be healed in 2011?

reverb 17 - Learning about Laughter

Laughter. One of the greatest things I have learned about this past year. It is a gift, that you can give yourself.

I tried laughter yoga for the first time this past summer. I can remember walking into the first intro class, feeling miserable, and not wanting to let that misery go. It was protecting me. By the end of the class I was beaming and sweaty. I picked my misery back up shortly after the class, but oh did it feel good to put it down for an hour. A respite.

I registered for a summer class and here's what I learned.

I have an incredibly contagious laugh! It was often tough just getting there, and some days I didn't - and the other group members would be sure to tell me how missed I was, the next time I was there.

Laughter is healing. Not just in the way you think. Laughter can change the brain, and I can attest to this. I used to have a really bad startle response. Spice jars would come tumbling out of the cupboard unexpectedly (my sweetie is a very enthusiastic cook) and I would freeze. Like a deer in headlights, heart racing - incapable of words, or movement. I learned to laugh when I was startled. A bit forced to begin with, and then it became more natural. It helped to diminish the flight or freeze response drastically. And everything became funnier!

Laughter taught me to be more patient, and forgiving. If the traffic is bad, or someone cuts me off, I laugh. If I make a mistake, I laugh. This was huge for me. Everything became more manageable and I was being much less tougher on myself. Yogurt all over the floor? hahahahhaha

One of the best parts is that laughter is like a muscle, the more you use it, the less stiff it is, and moves more freely. The other is that it is incredibly contagious. Especially if you have a laugh like mine :)

Lesson learned.
What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year?
And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

reverb 16 - Friendship

weathering the unknown of who you might be

dissolving the walls made of ice and snow

learning to lay lines in the sand

melting, exploding, you stand

Friendship.

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year?

Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

reverb 14 - More than shelter

What a wonderful time I've been having since the reverb prompt came in last night. My head has been full as I unearth, and pile up, all of the things that I would count myself grateful for this past year. The obvious would be my amazing mister, to whom I've already written a tear-inducing tribute. And all the dear people who have offered me support and understanding since The Breakdown. And my new found creativity, which I speak of often, and cradle closely to me like a baby deer on wobbly legs. I am so very grateful to have had two visits from my parents this year, one from each set :) The excitement of a new career path, this blog and the inspiring people I have met as a result... the list just keeps going on, and on... and on :)

Now let me tell you what I decided on for the top of the heap, that which I am most appreciating. Something I haven't talked about repeatedly, yet. My apartment. My home. My safe haven.

Maverick and I moved in together this past May. It was a lot of work weeding and packing two apartments, and then our first month here was, well, hell. It was all worth it. Though this may not be the first time that I have co-habitated with a partner, it's definitely the first place that has felt like "our" home. We have big comfy couches, a fireplace, Maverick's art collection, my arrangement of our combined furniture (a couple of pieces have been in our families for years) and my knack for organization of all things storage related. There was a recent addition of an art table/breakfast nook overlooking the balcony. There are no roommates, no-one living above us, and not much noise at all. Sometimes we meditate just by sitting and watching the leaves of the trees move, just outside the living room window. It feels cozy, and warm, and home.

The reason I am so grateful for this is because it has become my ground zero. After The Breakdown I came to appreciate having a safe space, where I could cocoon. A friend of ours helped us put up a black-out blind in the bedroom, and I took comfort in knowing that I had somewhere to go if I wanted complete darkness and silence. I worked with someone around my reluctance to leave the apartment at times, and came to understand that I was merely trying to protect my over-worked nervous system. Which brought forgiveness for myself, and a full embrace of this familiar place. It has become my place of healing. The base camp to return to after the adventures of the day.

How do you show an apartment your appreciation? How do you show it your gratitude for offering you more than just shelter? By sharing it. We have hosted our families for dinners and our friends for brunches. There has been guitars playing, singing, dancing, board game nights, a costume party, and whole lot of love and laughter. The bonus? All of these things make it feel even more like home.

reverb 14

Appreciate.

What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year?

How do you express gratitude for it?