Getting Caught Up... and more exciting news!!

I am so proud to say that I am completely caught up on my 365 photos on Flickr! It shifted from this thing that I HAD to do, to a task I couldn't wait to do. My plate is still quite full (though I am happy to say I've a let a couple of things go) and instead of spending the bulk of my time thinking about and creating reasons not to do what's on it, I just get it done. Those tasks and actions don't get in the way of my life, as I had previously convinced myself. They are my life. And I'm choosing to live it fully! :)

So, let's get on with the show. There are two new creative tools (toys) in my life.

First. A new phone. A phone? Yep. With an 8 megapixel camera in it!!! How fun is that?! Now I can take pictures on the fly and keep up with 365. Check out some of these that I've just posted...

(You can click through to see them on Flickr :)

It's so great to be able to reach out and grab those fleeting moments when you're simply going about your day. Plus the camera feature has fun effects for shooting and editing! And super easy for uploading.

That would have been plenty exciting all on its own.

Then I got home from a workshop on Wednesday night, and Jon surprised me with an early wedding present. A Nikon D5000!!!!! My very first Digital SLR!!! I'm tearing up again just thinking about how grateful I am to have someone who fully supports my creative drive and desire. And wants to do whatever he can to help me soar with my dreams.

The camera is so light! And boy oh boy, the clarity of the pictures is incredible! Check it out!

I am really excited by the possibilities this camera creates for me! More learning, and maybe some earning :)

And I'm really enjoying being here, and being part of this wonderful community again.

Here's some questions for you I'd love to hear the answers to! What are your favourite creative tools? Who are your greatest supports in making your dreams a reality?

Hugs and heart,
Kat

Hope Rocks

Today is officially the last day of my Experimental Art e-Course by Amelia Critchlow. I have immensely enjoyed it and I have gained so much from it. No longer do I fear the blank pages of my art journal, or cling to the simple and ordered. Messy, blurry, Big? Bring it!

Our final assignment was to embark on a little guerilla art. A while back I was wandering my pal Red's blog and read about her participation in something called Hope Rocks, a movement started by Woodstock Lily. What better reason to finally put this into action myself?

So, yesterday morning, I grabbed my sweetie and headed to the beach. It was super sunny and absolutely gorgeous. We had a lovely time, cameras in hands, stopping to admire the little things.

I collected up five rocks I felt to be worthy. The plan is to shoot them in their natural habitat, shoot their transformation, and shoot them in their new home. Here's the first one that I completed yesterday.

Hope Rocks - First of Five

This beauty was re-nested at the Home and Garden show. I hope that it will have a hope-full journey.

Wishcasting - Dare!

I think when you've been broken, you gather up the pieces, and stash them away. In many different places.

If the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, then I wish to dare to be whole. To unwrap the pieces from their bubble wrapped hiding places, and bring them back together. In the light.

I am a daughter
I am a sister
I am a niece
I am an aunt

I am a partner
I am a friend

I am loved

I am an artist
I am a photographer
I am a model
I am a writer
I am a poet

I am joyful
I am perceptive
I am healing

I am the pieces
I am the whole

In response to Jamie Ridler's question:

What do you wish to dare?

Alphabet Soup - K is for...

Alphabet Soup - J is for JOY

Alphabet Soup Sunday is growing and evolving. I think they would be more aptly named Alphabet Soup of the Soul now, as they share a little insight into me, are often somewhat cathartic, and tend to appear a lot closer to Monday than Sunday ;)

I woke up this morning happy, no, excited. I woke up excited this morning. Kind of like this:

I woke to the birds and the best of intentions.

I will try every way I know to express them.

Adapted from Breakthrough

by Isaac Dust

What a fabulous way to start a day!

For starters, today is the last day for submissions to the JOY photo challenge. I will be posting them up for you to indulge in first thing in the morning. That means you still have one more day to grab your cameras, or dig through your photo boxes and media files!

There will be a week of voting to decide the winner, and then? Following that, there will be a week of voting on my potential B.F.A. application/portfolio submissions. I need your help! (insight, feedback, gentle critiques). So exciting!

~***~

Ok, so let's talk about Joy! Here's the plan. I'm going to pour my heart out a little, and share with you what's been going on the past week and a half. Then I'm going to have a bit of a creative projects show and tell. Then I'm going to give it up to you to share some Joy, since it's my favourite topic!

Here's a little something to listen to while you're reading this :) One of my faves, from back in the days...

If you've been reading along with me lately you will know that I've been having a grand ol' time! Conferences and day trips, gaining and gifting blog awards, two excellent days at my dreamy new part-time job, my very first ever guest post and a super fab and swanky date with my sweetie. And, on several occasions I was told that I had made someone's day! All of that crammed into the past 9 days.

It was probably one of the most rewarding weeks I've had. It was also one of the most challenging. That's the beauty of Joy. It carried me through, and I was still able to share it with you.

What you probably didn't see through all this triumph, was me in some wicked Serotonin Withdrawal. If you, or someone you know, is taking, or considering taking, an SSRI (anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety), please listen up, then go online and do as much research as you possibly can. I thought that I had done well, and was reducing mine carefully. I could have done more to avoid this incredibly intense roller coaster I've been riding for 2-3 weeks.

The first couple of days were great. Then I turned into the Hulk with PMS and a constant low-grade migraine. It started out as a tight head and dizziness, and a slight edge of nausea. Then we threw in some sucky-ness, whiny-ness and the easily weepies. Which could quickly turn to irritability, rage, and explosiveness. Oh, and the self-doubt, unforgivingness and extreme sensitivity to even a whiff of perceived control. (Those last three were a lovely combination with my excellent timing of trying to implement more structure and scheduling into my life!)

Thursday was the worst of it. That moment on the roller coaster when you're slowly click, click, clicking to the top of the biggest hill, and you look down and think, how am I ever going to survive this? Thursday I had an I'm not leaving the house day, well, more like an I'm not leaving my bed day. I couldn't even tolerate light. These are the types of days I had plenty of when I first fell to the mercy of this breakdown. I hadn't had a full cocoon day like this in months. (The quiet also helped me realize that I was also experiencing brain-zaps (paresthesia) which can be best described as a pulse-like shock or shiver).

This is the point when many people coming off of anti-depressants/anti-anxieties give up. They think that maybe they weren't ready. Also, one of the things you might read in the online forums, is people in the middle of withdrawal, swearing that they never would have gone on them in the first place if they knew what it would be like to get off of them. I want to add a little balance to that perspective.

Disclaimer - I am not a doctor, I don't play one on tv, and I'm not sleeping with a drug rep.

• Choosing to go on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication to deal with the Post-Traumatic breakdown was a tough decision. I used to work in mental health services, and I knew logically that they could help get me to a place where I could benefit more from other treatment options, like counselling, art therapy and group work. I am grateful that I was able to see the potential of this first line of defense for myself.
• If you or your doctor feel like you may need to stay on your SSRIs for life because you're "addicted" get a new doctor, asap. Seriously. I have heard this and I have read this. This was never where I was at and I am so grateful. The doctor handling my medication assured me that we would work together to get on them, and off them when the time came.
• Feeling like you haven't made progress, when you're in the middle of a withdrawal, is common. The symptoms are similar. Work with your doctor (one who knows they're stuff thoroughly) and stick through it. If the timing is right, you will get to the other side!
• Eat well. This can be tough if you would rather eat nothing at all, or if all you want is carbs and sugars. Three meals, and snacks in between, that are high in protein and complex carbs and low in fat and simple sugars. This will help keep you balanced as your body is flushing the stores. Acupuncture can help with this too.
• If you can, get your prescriptions filled at a smaller pharmacy where you can build a relationship with the pharmacist. It helped me a lot to know that I could talk to mine whenever I had questions.
  
• Even if you have reduced to the lowest dosage available of your medication, you can still go lower! It is often suggested to reduce to every second day, and then every third. Have patience. Take your time. Going slowly means a happy transition. Otherwise, the alternative is putting a huge strain on your loved ones, and having to buy new shirts when you tear them apart to flex your big green muscles!

At the end of it all, the good news is that I'm medication free. If taken back in time, would I go through it again knowing that the first med would wire me up like a kid on Coke and candy? That I would get incredibly lethargic and irritable whenever I was in the midst of a dosage transition? That not working through the withdrawal as carefully as I could would make we want to hide like a werewolf on the edge of a full moon? Absolutely!

~***~

So let's keep riding this Joy train! Next stop - The Happy Monday Photo Challenge

This is my first week participating and I was really excited about the theme. Sunrise/Sunset. Unfortunately, and understandably, I was melting down a little after a day of errands and country roads yesterday, and needed to be home, instead of out playing with sunsets as I had planned :( Boo. However, keeping on the theme of this post, I am excited to share with you a picture I took in the summer that was an absolute moment of Found Joy.

It was early in the morning, my sweetie was out of town, and I had just woken up from a particularly unsettling nightmare. I got out of bed, restless. I happened to look out the window and was greeted by this wonderful sunrise.

It made my day okay :)


~***~

Here's something a little more recent. I started this on Friday and promised myself I would work on it for 3 days.

The first stage was the most fun! Ribbon, cotton batting, white paint smeared on with a kitchen spatula. Green paint layered on with a fork, yep, a fork, then detailed with rosemary. Yep. Rosemary.

Added some water colour tints. I thought I was done at this point. Until I came out of my poorly lit art space and realized I wasn't :)

Ta da! The finished product. It took guts to go bold with the next layer!

Three pictures, three stages, three days. I'm grateful that I stayed committed to it. I'm gaining a lot more depth through layering, and patience :) All it needs is the dates written into it, and a title. Perhaps, JOY 2011? :)

~***~

Okay, now it's your turn! Please share with me in the comments a quick snippet of something that brings/has brought you Joy! It doesn't have to recent, or it could be something that happened today :)

This video brings me Joy. Ari Hest is my new favourite voice, and watching/listening to him sign with his mom is like being hugged.

Monday's Music Moves Me

So much to Enjoy!

Before I tell you some new good news, I want to share something with you. Yesterday was my first day at a new job, in a completely different field of work. It was bliss. There were no children tugging on me, demanding my attention, or sneezing on me. I was able to choose my clothes for the day based on what I felt good in, and looked good in. I didn't have to worry about whether or not my toes were protected from being stomped on, or secure enough to take chase at a moment's notice. My earrings dangled deliciously and my ears were not strained from being on alert for the earliest signs of unrest.

I popped over to Jamie Ridler's site while I was contemplating this, and how apropos that the wish for this week is:

What do you wish to enjoy?

• more of this physical freedom in the workplace.
• being in a positive work environment.
• learning new skills and tackling new challenges.
• teaching people who are eager to learn.
• meeting deadlines.
• asking for help and being supported.
• having my input and ideas respected and sought out.
• being creative and the appreciation of my creativity.
• having energy to live a whole life outside of work

Here's a visual interpretation of how I felt about my work day yesterday and the potential of this new job :) [I was water colour painting with my fingers when I came home from work! You can click through to see the full size on flickr, and the other painting I did with it too].

Okay, one more picture, before I move on to the good news. I was just so excited that I had the energy to art journal after work yesterday. My 365 picture was influenced too :)

Without further ado, drum roll please...
I was given another blog award!
Seriously!

Noel over at French Christmas, the queen of sharing her perceptive perspective in beautiful prose, gave me the

Wow! Thank you Noel. You've always been a supportive cheerleader of me and my writing and I really appreciate it! I'm really looking forward to that moment when you're ridiculously rich and famous from all the books you've written and published, and I can say, I knew you when... :)

The rules. Share seven things about myself. Then pass it on to five other stylish bloggers.

Things about me, huh?

• I love playing board games. Especially creative ones. And ones where a little competition adds to the fun.
  
• I once left the house without any pants on. I was about 9 or 10 and it was a lazy summer morning and I had wandered downstairs to the tv to watch cartoons in nothing but my fave Disney World sweatshirt, and my undies. My sister had to run an errand within walking distance and I distractedly ambled out the door with her. Sadly, I didn't notice until we were on our return. Luckily we hadn't gone back the same way, since that would have meant a second pass through a parking lot full of cute young boys playing road hockey, and giggling. Blush.
• I am the youngest of three children.
• I didn't finish high school.
• If I could have a free pass to eat whatever I wanted for one day without the fear of having a reaction, I would want baked macaroni and cheese, a butterscotch sundae and peanut butter cookies.
• I wear earplugs when I sleep
• I can build a wicked camp fire.
  

That's my seven, now on to my five.

Five fabulous bloggers. I'd love to give a nod to a collection of bloggers who are not in the eye of this blogger award tag storm that's been circling

Sweet Limes - who I met at the beginning of my blogging journey and immediately connected with. Everything she does is stylish. A beautiful, artistic, creative soul.

Cowgirl Red - I've only just met her, and I love the way she shares her innermost thoughts. It makes me feel so much less alone in what I experience. Her fabric creations are stunning, and I hope she doesn't mind if I show up one day at her breathtaking ranch and play cowgirl with her.

Pieces of Me - Jen's photography is just gorgeous! Another fellow reverber who is chasing after their creative dreams. Follow along for some adventures in New York City.

Mujerzen's Blog - At some point during reverb I found my way to this blog. Now I know whenever I stop by I can count on a hit of the most delicious poetry.

Live, Love, TRAVEL - I don't know Jaymi very well. I do want to thank her for sharing not just her beautiful photos. I love that she always explains her photo experiments and projects, making it a great place to be inspired to try something new.

Hope you find one in there that you enjoy as much as I do.

And remember... 5 more days until the JOY photo challenge closes!

Alphabet Soup - I is for Inspired

Wow, what a weekend!

Saturday I attended the every WOMAN 2011 conference. What I thought was going to be simply a day to be physical active, with like minded women, and a chance to try some new types of fitness classes - was so much more than I expected. I've been inspired!

Here's what I learned from the conference:

• I love conferences! When I was a teenager I became involved in leadership conferences, and other youth conferences. The energy was so incredible. I'm realizing that I love it when large groups of people come together to learn (especially when it's about themselves) for a short and intense duration of time.

• I like to be directly involved. It meets my need for belonging and my love of knowing how things work behind the scenes. ***Here's a big tip for all you starving artists - if registration costs are a little too much for you, find out if you can volunteer!*** That's what I did, and it granted me entry and a place on the team. And I am so glad I did. I was able to pop into a dreams to goals workshop that wasn't on my schedule, and it created some wonderful shifts in my perspective!

• Visualization exercises make me teary.

• I want to be an artist. Not quietly in my own space. Like out there on other people's walls, loud and proud, using my eventual BFA for professional gain, not just personal.

• Everything I need is inside of me!

• Hula Hooping is an amazing form of exercise that works muscles that I haven't been able to get at before. And so much fun! We were all laughing and cheering each other on. Even when a couple of us got hit in the face :) Want one, now!!

• Creating more structure in my life will leave me feeling like I have more freedom!

• Feeling controlled still triggers me big time.

• Art Journaling every day is possible, and probable, and can have a valued space in my schedule.

• I'm cute, and I'm okay with it. Cute in the sweet, and adorable way. Like an energetic puppy.

• I like being sexy, and I'm learning to enjoy it and be more refined in how I am. Being sexy isn't something I need to be known as. It's an underlying part of me, and there's a time and a place to vamp it up, and boy do I know how now. Even something as simple as enjoying the way my arm feels to me... is very attractive.

What an amazing experience! So, 5:00 hit that night, and I got right down to my art journaling. Thanks again Emily, for sharing yours and inspiring me. Here's one side of my first entry, using some of the doodling techniques I've been playing with, that captures a bit of what inspired me at the conference...

The amazingness didn't end there. Yesterday, the sweetie and I went on a day trip adventure. As we were preparing everything the night before, he suggested we bring the Drawing Lab book for the ferry ride, since we missed our weekly assignment. Seriously!? I hadn't want to suggest it. Drawing is something he's still getting comfortable with. Sure enough, we whipped it out as soon as we got settled on board. (I forgot our supplies, though I was able to dig a pen and pencil out of my computer bag, and improvise with what I'm hoping were snack bags). The assignment we chose was left handed portraits of each other, which had us trying to keep our volume down while we were giggling. I was so inspired by him and his portrait of me that I wanted to share his along with mine.

(Yep, that's right. He's a rightie, and drew this with his left!)

You know what else inspires me, and makes me super teary... when he told me, on a couple of different occasions now... that just being around me makes him more creative.

Wait, the story doesn't end here. There's more! While I was at the conference on Saturday I got an email that my place on hold for a book at the library (that I've been waiting patiently and eagerly for) had finally come up. The library was right around the corner from the conference so I was able to pick it up on the way home. It came with on the ferry ride yesterday too, and Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project is exactly what I need to carry the energy from the conference forward and turn my plans into actions. She's right. Some people really do learn from reading others' experiences, even if they are not monumental. Similar to Noelle Oxenhandler's Wishing Year, it seems, so far, to be a great blend of personal goals and triumphs, supported by well researched and enlightening information. I've only made it to the end of January in her journey, and I am already incredibly inspired. Following suit, I'm going to make a monthly chart to track some of my daily goals too :)(I'm actually looking forward to it!) I'm also looking forward to my new early bed time, because built in with that is a half an hour of indulgent reading in bed before lights out. Is it bed time yet? I super excited to see what happens in February of Gretchen's Happiness Project

Oh, I almost forgot. One more thing that I want to share with you. I'm guest blogging on Friday, over in Cinderitaville, the land of inspiration. I was a little stumped what to write about, until my current favourite foliage gave me a nudge on Saturday. Y'all know that I've been completely inspired by our Christmas tree. It became the subject for my camera again, and made it into my 365 project, appearing on day 22. :)

Now on to Monday's Music Moves Me! Yesterday it was recommended that I check out Explosions in the Sky. I've been in need of some good instrumental music to inspire me while focusing on school work or art adventures, and I think I've found it!

Creativity Check-In

Hi! What a wonderful day (1-11-11) it's been. So productive. Knocking things off the check list. The past few days I have been feeling pretty fabulous actually, now that I've got my energy back.

Yesterday, the mister and I picked up our fine point sharpies again for our weekly drawing exercise. Blind line drawings of giraffes. What fun!


Here's a fun photo I posted for MCP's Project 52. I love their themes, this week being song lyrics. Oh potted Christmas Tree, how much you grow and make me happy.

I've been working away at my January Art Trading Cards. The assembly and finishing touches on the front came together today. All they need now is the back attached. And then I will have to let them go - rather, give way to their flight to their new owners. :) I wish I could show you the pictures now. Except that would ruin the surprise.

How about some pictures of a doodling exercise I did today for my experimental art e-course. I cracked open my art journal for the first time in over a month, and I am so not afraid of it anymore.

Doodly-do

Deja-Vu

I really got into this, and I'm very happy with how it turned out. How everything turned out today, actually. Oh! Did I mention that I now have a dedicated work space for my art? I've been moving everything on and off the breakfast nook table (frustrating) - and my desk desk in the office, which was meant for school work and computing has been getting none of that action. So voila, desk is now art table and all of my supplies can sit out and be free. Everything is always right at my fingertips. Happy sigh.

Happy creating to all of you. And remember to check out my 365 photo project here, and some creative challenges/giveaways here.

Many MEs, Traveling, and Wishing

From: Me, 2015

To: Me, 2010

Hey there little lady. Hope you're enjoying the lead up to the holidays. And getting enough rest! I know how much you like to take on. You're taking the right steps, and you will figure it out. The taking care of yourself. Just breathe and know that everything will work out the way it needs to. And remember to appreciate that man of yours, you make such a great team. That's all I can say about that, without letting on too much of what's to come ;) It's been great these past five years watching all the unconnected pieces fall together, weaving into a cohesive tapestry. Rich with detail and experience.

Enjoy the rest of reverb,

Be gentle to yourself,

Big hugs,

Love, Me

~

From: Me, 2010

To: Me, 2000

What fun you're having in your life right now! Wasn't the turn of the century so anti-climactic? Those 2000 shaped fireworks were pretty cool though, hey? I can't tell you where I'm at as I write this, because I don't want anything to change. Be patient with yourself. Enjoy what you're learning. There are no wrong turns, because every one will lead you here. Some of them may hurt, and you will survive. Please hold on to that tenacious hope of yours, and that belief that everything will work out. Because it does. I want to tell you that you're beautiful and smart and talented. And you won't believe me. And that's okay. The journey getting to know these things is an incredible one. I want you to have it.

Here waiting,

Love,

Me

P.S. Enjoy that lovely skin of yours while you have it!

reverb 21 - Future self.

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?

(Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Though I would love to tell my past me about so much more. Like running the marathon in San Fran this summer, and then driving up through Napa so that my sweetie could visit some amazing wineries, and then spending a couple of nights in a cabin in the Redwoods. Oh, that was so lovely. Restful and recuperating. Napping in that giant bed and reading and hot tubbing under the stars. Mmm, and the drive down the Sonoma coast on the way back to San Fran. Stunning.

Or the road trip to the Oregon Coast for my birthday/our anniversary. Falling in love with Oregon. Listening to the pounding waves from the hot tub. Amazing home cooked meals. Stunning views along the water in Arch Cape, Cannon Beach and Ecola State Park. Seeing one of my fave duos play at the Doug Fir Lounge in Portland. And all the synchronicity around that. Sleeping in a heated platform tent in Washington, and finally having a fire. Gratitude for amazing weather at the end of September and the feeling of making up for summer.

Not to mention the surprise trip to the Washington pacific northwest coast in the spring, the many visits with a friend after she moved out of town and two fab hotel stays in Vancouver. One for a spring wedding, which happened to coincide with a visit from a friend from out east. And a combo trip that included a fun filled visit with a friend returning back to the west.

Wow, what a year. 2011 - To you I say "more please"! And more planes too please :) So far we're planning a New York City, Montreal, Toronto loop in the late spring/early summer. San Diego might be checked off my list in August (Fingers crossed). Somehow, I'm not sure how yet, I would really like to get to Mexico or somewhere lovely and tropical this year too. Also, I need to find a way to get back off this continent really soon. Maybe not this year, though I wouldn't say no if something came up :)

reverb 22 - Travel

How did you travel in 2010?

How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

Now, one more order of business until this meeting is adjourned. Wishcasting Wednesday. I had no trouble with this one this week.

What is your winter wish?

Simple, I want to make a snow angel. It used to be a tradition for me. Kind of like HeadTheGong's leaf catching. It didn't feel like winter until I had got down in the snow and waved my arms and legs with glee, making the perfect angel. I was kind of a pro at it. I still have photos somewhere I took of the ones I made with a dear friend in high school. This may not be possible, since I no longer live in the land of snow. However, if the opportunity presents itself I will take it. Hopefully, I won't be in a dress and heels...

reverb 14 - More than shelter

What a wonderful time I've been having since the reverb prompt came in last night. My head has been full as I unearth, and pile up, all of the things that I would count myself grateful for this past year. The obvious would be my amazing mister, to whom I've already written a tear-inducing tribute. And all the dear people who have offered me support and understanding since The Breakdown. And my new found creativity, which I speak of often, and cradle closely to me like a baby deer on wobbly legs. I am so very grateful to have had two visits from my parents this year, one from each set :) The excitement of a new career path, this blog and the inspiring people I have met as a result... the list just keeps going on, and on... and on :)

Now let me tell you what I decided on for the top of the heap, that which I am most appreciating. Something I haven't talked about repeatedly, yet. My apartment. My home. My safe haven.

Maverick and I moved in together this past May. It was a lot of work weeding and packing two apartments, and then our first month here was, well, hell. It was all worth it. Though this may not be the first time that I have co-habitated with a partner, it's definitely the first place that has felt like "our" home. We have big comfy couches, a fireplace, Maverick's art collection, my arrangement of our combined furniture (a couple of pieces have been in our families for years) and my knack for organization of all things storage related. There was a recent addition of an art table/breakfast nook overlooking the balcony. There are no roommates, no-one living above us, and not much noise at all. Sometimes we meditate just by sitting and watching the leaves of the trees move, just outside the living room window. It feels cozy, and warm, and home.

The reason I am so grateful for this is because it has become my ground zero. After The Breakdown I came to appreciate having a safe space, where I could cocoon. A friend of ours helped us put up a black-out blind in the bedroom, and I took comfort in knowing that I had somewhere to go if I wanted complete darkness and silence. I worked with someone around my reluctance to leave the apartment at times, and came to understand that I was merely trying to protect my over-worked nervous system. Which brought forgiveness for myself, and a full embrace of this familiar place. It has become my place of healing. The base camp to return to after the adventures of the day.

How do you show an apartment your appreciation? How do you show it your gratitude for offering you more than just shelter? By sharing it. We have hosted our families for dinners and our friends for brunches. There has been guitars playing, singing, dancing, board game nights, a costume party, and whole lot of love and laughter. The bonus? All of these things make it feel even more like home.

reverb 14

Appreciate.

What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year?

How do you express gratitude for it?

Alphabet Soup - B is for Boyfriend

The subject for this post was picked last week. Alas, here I sit not wanting to write it. I am feeling sad, lonely, and frustrated. I've decided that I must follow through. Perhaps by writing this post I will pry myself loose and remember why I was so eager and excited to write it and share it with you in the first place.

There is a wonderful man in my life. After fifteen years or so, of poor choices and questionable boundaries, I met the man of my dreams. We had a whirlwind romance, and our ever expanding mash-up of friends love when we retell our story, from both sides. Perhaps I will post the whole thing at some point in the future. The condensed version is that we met in line at the grocery store and had a great laugh together, and an instant connection. It was just before my birthday last year, and we were headed to two separate birthday parties: mine, and a very close friend of his. This year we celebrated those birthdays together.

It's been like a roller coaster for us. Lots of hanging on tight and facing down the fear, a lot of incredible highs and exhilaration, and the realization of the strength you've gained from staying on the ride. So in celebration of the past 14 months together, 7 of which I now realize we've been co-habitating, here are 14 things I love about, and am grateful for in my partner:

1. I love that you have stood by me through my breakdown and rebuilding
2. I am grateful that my feeling "safe" was so important to you from the moment we started dating
3. I love how much you have challenged yourself and how much you have grown in the time that I have known you
4. I am so grateful that you made it look effortless to create a safe kitchen for me, first in your place and then in ours.
5. I love that you brush your teeth the instant you walk in the door so you can kiss me without fear of what you ate in the outside world, and that you didn't even flinch when I first asked you to do this
6. I am so grateful for the appearances, with nutrition and encouragement, on my very long runs when I was training for my very first marathon
7. I love that every time I asked you if I would complete the marathon, with so much doubt in my own voice, you always had a steadfast yes.
8. I am so grateful that you treated me kindly every time I wanted to run from this relationship, even when one of those attempted break-ups was in the middle of your dear friends' wedding.
9. I love that after one of those near-endings, you held me in your sleep, the entire night. I think that is when I truly fell in love with you.
10. I am so grateful for your patience with me after the breakdown, when I couldn't even bear to be touched
11. I love that you can be ridiculously silly, and I love how much we laugh, and how hard we laugh sometimes.
12. I am so grateful that being active and being outdoors is important to you, and that you love doing these things together. I love that part of the excitement with your newest hobby is that it's something we can do together as well.
13. I love how much you love your friends, and how much love they have for you, and now for me too.
14. I am so grateful that you are the kind of man who would drag a full size cooler through a high star hotel's lobby for me, because you knew it would make me safe and happy.

Now here I am, my eyes welling, finally freed from my black and white thinking of the past couple of days. I have an incredible, intelligent, affectionate man who admires me greatly and encourages me to soar. Ok, so maybe communication is not one of our strong suits at times, and luckily forgiveness is. I think we want so much to take care of each other that we get a little lost when trying to ask for what we need ourselves. Hey, we can't be all awesome, all the time, can we? :)

So here's to my man and me, and to you for keeping me honest.

A tribute to me and my maverick's first year together.