Sunday, November 28, 2010

Alphabet Soup - B is for Boyfriend

The subject for this post was picked last week. Alas, here I sit not wanting to write it. I am feeling sad, lonely, and frustrated. I've decided that I must follow through. Perhaps by writing this post I will pry myself loose and remember why I was so eager and excited to write it and share it with you in the first place.

There is a wonderful man in my life. After fifteen years or so, of poor choices and questionable boundaries, I met the man of my dreams. We had a whirlwind romance, and our ever expanding mash-up of friends love when we retell our story, from both sides. Perhaps I will post the whole thing at some point in the future. The condensed version is that we met in line at the grocery store and had a great laugh together, and an instant connection. It was just before my birthday last year, and we were headed to two separate birthday parties: mine, and a very close friend of his. This year we celebrated those birthdays together.

It's been like a roller coaster for us. Lots of hanging on tight and facing down the fear, a lot of incredible highs and exhilaration, and the realization of the strength you've gained from staying on the ride. So in celebration of the past 14 months together, 7 of which I now realize we've been co-habitating, here are 14 things I love about, and am grateful for in my partner:
  1. I love that you have stood by me through my breakdown and rebuilding
  2. I am grateful that my feeling "safe" was so important to you from the moment we started dating
  3. I love how much you have challenged yourself and how much you have grown in the time that I have known you
  4. I am so grateful that you made it look effortless to create a safe kitchen for me, first in your place and then in ours.
  5. I love that you brush your teeth the instant you walk in the door so you can kiss me without fear of what you ate in the outside world, and that you didn't even flinch when I first asked you to do this
  6. I am so grateful for the appearances, with nutrition and encouragement, on my very long runs when I was training for my very first marathon
  7. I love that every time I asked you if I would complete the marathon, with so much doubt in my own voice, you always had a steadfast yes.
  8. I am so grateful that you treated me kindly every time I wanted to run from this relationship, even when one of those attempted break-ups was in the middle of your dear friends' wedding.
  9. I love that after one of those near-endings, you held me in your sleep, the entire night. I think that is when I truly fell in love with you.
  10. I am so grateful for your patience with me after the breakdown, when I couldn't even bear to be touched
  11. I love that you can be ridiculously silly, and I love how much we laugh, and how hard we laugh sometimes.
  12. I am so grateful that being active and being outdoors is important to you, and that you love doing these things together. I love that part of the excitement with your newest hobby is that it's something we can do together as well.
  13. I love how much you love your friends, and how much love they have for you, and now for me too.
  14. I am so grateful that you are the kind of man who would drag a full size cooler through a high star hotel's lobby for me, because you knew it would make me safe and happy.
Now here I am, my eyes welling, finally freed from my black and white thinking of the past couple of days. I have an incredible, intelligent, affectionate man who admires me greatly and encourages me to soar. Ok, so maybe communication is not one of our strong suits at times, and luckily forgiveness is. I think we want so much to take care of each other that we get a little lost when trying to ask for what we need ourselves. Hey, we can't be all awesome, all the time, can we? :)

So here's to my man and me, and to you for keeping me honest.

A tribute to me and my maverick's first year together.


Cinderita said...

I wept at the second line and now i can't stop...i am so moved...thank you for feeling blech and sharing anyway. you just don't know the kind of difference you will make when you step beyond the voices in your head. xoxo

Mynx said...

Thank you for sharing

Creatively Sensitive said...

Cinders - you have a very special place in my heart

Creatively Sensitive said...

Hi Mynx - welcome!

Yvonne said...

Wow! What a beautiful tribute to your beloved. Congrats on your anniversary and here's to a many, many more for you!

Creatively Sensitive said...

Thanks Yvonne! This relationship is something I've always wanted, though it took me a while to believe something so wonderful could happen for me.

Robin said...

That is a wonderful letter to the man you love. Your story sounds pretty amazing. I look forward to hearing it. I know that my allergies are contributing mightily to my migraines and fibro and my host of other problems. Basically, my migraines are off the charts right now and everything is making them worse. So, I am curious to read your story. The body is an amazing thing.

Lisa and Eddy said...

A kind man...must be a kind woman ;)

Creatively Sensitive said...

Ahh, thanks L&E (blushing) :)

Robin, there is hope. The woman who teaches the laughter yoga classes I was taking in the summer has fibro, and she's got it fairly under control. Looking forward to seeing you around here :)

Shannon said...

This is so beautiful. I am glad you wrote it. It's a testament to love. I got a little teary too. We all go through ups and downs - I've been riding the roller-coaster for over 12 years! He sounds like he loves you unconditionally, and that's what matters.

Creatively Sensitive said...

@Shannon - Isn't it amazing that unconditional love is not a myth!