Future Paths

Hi! I've missed you!

My news for today, well I have a few pieces for you.

First, I didn't get into the Bachelor of Fine Arts program at the university here in my town. This year. I was sad. And then I got really clear that this is what I want. And, over the past couple of weeks since, I've realized a couple of other things too. That I played it safe and small with my portfolio submissions, even though I was told that the school was looking for contemporary images. The other is that I have other options available to me, now that I have a year to work on my portfolio. At the moment, I am considering a one year visual arts certificate, followed by a two year graphic design program. I know! So fun!

Second, my sweetie and I have been talking seriously about starting our own photography business. He's been such a champion of my art and my photography, and his creative side grows bigger everyday. Sorry, let me correct myself. We aren't talking about it, we are taking action on it. Making it happen. Now, to get past being stuck on a company name...

Here's some pics I took a few weeks ago at the resort we will be married at... in less than 4 weeks!!! We were practicing our professional skills on our friends who came to visit the resort with us. (aka, chasing them around with our cameras like a couple of paparazzi :)

I can totally see these as engagement photos, or wedding photos.

It's been fun, we've been hitting up outdoor events and acting like we were hired to be there. It's great practice and a chance for both of us to get comfortable with the idea that
WE CAN DO THIS!!!

Oh, one more piece of news. I am starting an etsy shop to sell prints of some of my photos! I've created my store, I'm getting my paypal account all linked up and then I will have to choose which pics to post first. I will probably put up about 10 to start.

I would love your feedback!!! What are your favourites of my photographs?? Check out my flickr stream through one of the pics above, or one of the slide shows on the right.

And my question for you today, what paths are you adapting?

Hugs!
Kat

Alphabet Soup - M is for Me Day Mondays

51.365

My sweetie left for Cuba yesterday, with a gaggle of our friends. I miss him already. I made it through the night though. No nightmares. Now I sit back and relax and enjoy the rest of this week of bachelorette living :)

Okay, so maybe not that wild. I am proud to say that I went to bed at a decent time last night. It meant that I was up early to enjoy this day, which started out with a good chunk of time in bed, catching up on blog reading.

After the Breakdown (aka 6.8.10), my bed was my favourite place to be. Second favourite was the couch. Usually with the lights low and the curtains drawn. As I started to get stronger, I did the classic me and tried to do everything, and take on too much. I remember having low key weeks, time at home, an art class, an appointment or two, and then the weekend would hit and I would want to make up for it, and keep up with my sweetie. Needless to say, by Monday morning I was exhausted and needing recuperation time.

Except I would feel stressed and guilty about everything I wasn't getting done. J came home one Monday eve to me in tears because of all the things I felt I hadn't accomplished. We sat down together and wrote out a list of everything I had done that day. It was quite extensive. Though I hadn't left the house, I tackled what some people would take on in a week. Two things happened that day. First, I started making those lists at the end of every day, so I could bear witness to how much I was doing and connecting it to how I was feeling. It only took a week or two to get the point across.

The second thing we instituted was a "Bed Day". Just because I was getting better didn't mean that I had to be all the time. It was okay to have a day to put it all down. Just rest and relax and recharge, and do what I wanted to do, not what I felt I needed to do. I loved my bed days. I had a reason to say no to things, not schedule things that day.

As I continued to heal, my bed stopped being my favourite place to be, except when I'm curled up with my sweetie nodding off to sleep. If I want to be there at other times, it's a good sign that I need to recharge, or I'm getting sick. I was fighting off a bug last week, and it drove me up the wall that I needed to be in bed. I think that's a good sign

Now, I have Me Days on Mondays. For a while that meant At Home Days, which was needed to preserve and refuel my energy. As I shift away from that it gets a little blurrier... about what falls on which side of the Me/Relax line.

Not having my sweetie here this morning made me realize that the best first step to Mondays is not getting up right away. The rest I'm sorting out. I've really enjoyed having an art filled morning so far. Updating my 365 pictures on Flickr, spending time with Picnik, making a really cool folded origami envelope out of wrapping paper to send something to my snail mail buddy B at Sweet Limes... all made me happy and calm.

I can't show you what I sent B, yet.. though I can finally show you the ATCs I made in January :)





Now we shall move on to the photography portion of this program :) There have been a lot of floral photos in my collection lately. No apologies. It means I've been getting a lot a flowers lately!


Alli's theme this week at Happy Monday is Yellow. I love this picture. The petals of the pink flower in the background curling through, trying to embrace the daisy.

I had a little fun playing with it in post. Dropped the exposure a little and raised the temperature, which brought more of the yellow out in the centre of the daisy. I love the little dusting of yellow on its petals. And then, I couldn't resist and had a little rendez-vous with Picnik. A little vignette was all I needed...

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This next shot is something I hope to working on this week. I love this shot in theory. All I've done to it so far is a little crop. I want to soften out the skin, make it less pink, except that would involve masking and PhotoShop (insert scream from Psycho). I downloaded the MCP mini-fusion action last week and I have been planning to learn how to use it. It's on my list for this week.

Lucky me, Ashley Sisk, of Good to WOW, is going to be showing everyone how it works! Hopefully I will have something a little different to post up and show you on Thursday!

In the meantime, I will enjoy staring at that sunny day we had at the beach, and miss my sweetie something fierce.

Photo/art

I want to share with you one of my new fave pics.

I took it a day after Valentine's, when the beautiful roses I was given by my sweetie started to open. It was late, and the light was low. Before spending time with Amelia in her Experimental Art e-Course, I probably would have dragged them under the light and shot them relentlessly until I got a bright, crisp, perfect photo.

Except I didn't. I climbed right out of that comfort zone. Sometimes it's necessary for the sharpness, yes, I haven't let that go entirely. Other times it's more beautiful to let things be softer.

I love how it turned out. Like something out of an Andy Warhol painting. Andy Warhol meets Georgia O'Keefe.

I was tempted to figure out how to flip it so it faces the other way. I fought the urge, and was rewarded by finding Kat Sloma's blog, and her interesting discussion about breaking the Rule of Thirds. This one doesn't follow the rule, I checked, and I am embracing that as well, in this photo and ones to come.

So thank you Amelia and Kat, for encouraging the uniqueness that results from knowing when to break the rules, or work outside of them. That's where we find ourselves sometimes, yes?

To add it to the portfolio submission, or not... that's a whole other question.

Now, I want to share with you my new crush. Picnik. It's an online photo editing program that you can use to add some pretty neat effects to your photos. I'm still terrified of Photoshop and I think this is a really simple way to ramp up the look of what I've captured... until Photoshop and I become more acquainted.

Here's the Before

I sifted through several different effects, and settled on Lomo-ish.

One click, and...

Ta-da!

I knew I liked this program when I tried it on Valentine's Day...

Now I think it might be the beginning of love ;)

Alphabet Soup - K is for...

Alphabet Soup - J is for JOY

Alphabet Soup Sunday is growing and evolving. I think they would be more aptly named Alphabet Soup of the Soul now, as they share a little insight into me, are often somewhat cathartic, and tend to appear a lot closer to Monday than Sunday ;)

I woke up this morning happy, no, excited. I woke up excited this morning. Kind of like this:

I woke to the birds and the best of intentions.

I will try every way I know to express them.

Adapted from Breakthrough

by Isaac Dust

What a fabulous way to start a day!

For starters, today is the last day for submissions to the JOY photo challenge. I will be posting them up for you to indulge in first thing in the morning. That means you still have one more day to grab your cameras, or dig through your photo boxes and media files!

There will be a week of voting to decide the winner, and then? Following that, there will be a week of voting on my potential B.F.A. application/portfolio submissions. I need your help! (insight, feedback, gentle critiques). So exciting!

~***~

Ok, so let's talk about Joy! Here's the plan. I'm going to pour my heart out a little, and share with you what's been going on the past week and a half. Then I'm going to have a bit of a creative projects show and tell. Then I'm going to give it up to you to share some Joy, since it's my favourite topic!

Here's a little something to listen to while you're reading this :) One of my faves, from back in the days...

If you've been reading along with me lately you will know that I've been having a grand ol' time! Conferences and day trips, gaining and gifting blog awards, two excellent days at my dreamy new part-time job, my very first ever guest post and a super fab and swanky date with my sweetie. And, on several occasions I was told that I had made someone's day! All of that crammed into the past 9 days.

It was probably one of the most rewarding weeks I've had. It was also one of the most challenging. That's the beauty of Joy. It carried me through, and I was still able to share it with you.

What you probably didn't see through all this triumph, was me in some wicked Serotonin Withdrawal. If you, or someone you know, is taking, or considering taking, an SSRI (anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety), please listen up, then go online and do as much research as you possibly can. I thought that I had done well, and was reducing mine carefully. I could have done more to avoid this incredibly intense roller coaster I've been riding for 2-3 weeks.

The first couple of days were great. Then I turned into the Hulk with PMS and a constant low-grade migraine. It started out as a tight head and dizziness, and a slight edge of nausea. Then we threw in some sucky-ness, whiny-ness and the easily weepies. Which could quickly turn to irritability, rage, and explosiveness. Oh, and the self-doubt, unforgivingness and extreme sensitivity to even a whiff of perceived control. (Those last three were a lovely combination with my excellent timing of trying to implement more structure and scheduling into my life!)

Thursday was the worst of it. That moment on the roller coaster when you're slowly click, click, clicking to the top of the biggest hill, and you look down and think, how am I ever going to survive this? Thursday I had an I'm not leaving the house day, well, more like an I'm not leaving my bed day. I couldn't even tolerate light. These are the types of days I had plenty of when I first fell to the mercy of this breakdown. I hadn't had a full cocoon day like this in months. (The quiet also helped me realize that I was also experiencing brain-zaps (paresthesia) which can be best described as a pulse-like shock or shiver).

This is the point when many people coming off of anti-depressants/anti-anxieties give up. They think that maybe they weren't ready. Also, one of the things you might read in the online forums, is people in the middle of withdrawal, swearing that they never would have gone on them in the first place if they knew what it would be like to get off of them. I want to add a little balance to that perspective.

Disclaimer - I am not a doctor, I don't play one on tv, and I'm not sleeping with a drug rep.

• Choosing to go on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication to deal with the Post-Traumatic breakdown was a tough decision. I used to work in mental health services, and I knew logically that they could help get me to a place where I could benefit more from other treatment options, like counselling, art therapy and group work. I am grateful that I was able to see the potential of this first line of defense for myself.
• If you or your doctor feel like you may need to stay on your SSRIs for life because you're "addicted" get a new doctor, asap. Seriously. I have heard this and I have read this. This was never where I was at and I am so grateful. The doctor handling my medication assured me that we would work together to get on them, and off them when the time came.
• Feeling like you haven't made progress, when you're in the middle of a withdrawal, is common. The symptoms are similar. Work with your doctor (one who knows they're stuff thoroughly) and stick through it. If the timing is right, you will get to the other side!
• Eat well. This can be tough if you would rather eat nothing at all, or if all you want is carbs and sugars. Three meals, and snacks in between, that are high in protein and complex carbs and low in fat and simple sugars. This will help keep you balanced as your body is flushing the stores. Acupuncture can help with this too.
• If you can, get your prescriptions filled at a smaller pharmacy where you can build a relationship with the pharmacist. It helped me a lot to know that I could talk to mine whenever I had questions.
  
• Even if you have reduced to the lowest dosage available of your medication, you can still go lower! It is often suggested to reduce to every second day, and then every third. Have patience. Take your time. Going slowly means a happy transition. Otherwise, the alternative is putting a huge strain on your loved ones, and having to buy new shirts when you tear them apart to flex your big green muscles!

At the end of it all, the good news is that I'm medication free. If taken back in time, would I go through it again knowing that the first med would wire me up like a kid on Coke and candy? That I would get incredibly lethargic and irritable whenever I was in the midst of a dosage transition? That not working through the withdrawal as carefully as I could would make we want to hide like a werewolf on the edge of a full moon? Absolutely!

~***~

So let's keep riding this Joy train! Next stop - The Happy Monday Photo Challenge

This is my first week participating and I was really excited about the theme. Sunrise/Sunset. Unfortunately, and understandably, I was melting down a little after a day of errands and country roads yesterday, and needed to be home, instead of out playing with sunsets as I had planned :( Boo. However, keeping on the theme of this post, I am excited to share with you a picture I took in the summer that was an absolute moment of Found Joy.

It was early in the morning, my sweetie was out of town, and I had just woken up from a particularly unsettling nightmare. I got out of bed, restless. I happened to look out the window and was greeted by this wonderful sunrise.

It made my day okay :)


~***~

Here's something a little more recent. I started this on Friday and promised myself I would work on it for 3 days.

The first stage was the most fun! Ribbon, cotton batting, white paint smeared on with a kitchen spatula. Green paint layered on with a fork, yep, a fork, then detailed with rosemary. Yep. Rosemary.

Added some water colour tints. I thought I was done at this point. Until I came out of my poorly lit art space and realized I wasn't :)

Ta da! The finished product. It took guts to go bold with the next layer!

Three pictures, three stages, three days. I'm grateful that I stayed committed to it. I'm gaining a lot more depth through layering, and patience :) All it needs is the dates written into it, and a title. Perhaps, JOY 2011? :)

~***~

Okay, now it's your turn! Please share with me in the comments a quick snippet of something that brings/has brought you Joy! It doesn't have to recent, or it could be something that happened today :)

This video brings me Joy. Ari Hest is my new favourite voice, and watching/listening to him sign with his mom is like being hugged.

Monday's Music Moves Me

Happy Saturday!

Six Word Saturday. Want to play?

JOY photo challenge closes on Monday!

(Click the JOY button, top left)

:)

Had fun playing at Cinderita's yesterday!

(Read my very first guest post!)

Date with my sweetie tonight. Ballet!!

So much to Enjoy!

Before I tell you some new good news, I want to share something with you. Yesterday was my first day at a new job, in a completely different field of work. It was bliss. There were no children tugging on me, demanding my attention, or sneezing on me. I was able to choose my clothes for the day based on what I felt good in, and looked good in. I didn't have to worry about whether or not my toes were protected from being stomped on, or secure enough to take chase at a moment's notice. My earrings dangled deliciously and my ears were not strained from being on alert for the earliest signs of unrest.

I popped over to Jamie Ridler's site while I was contemplating this, and how apropos that the wish for this week is:

What do you wish to enjoy?

• more of this physical freedom in the workplace.
• being in a positive work environment.
• learning new skills and tackling new challenges.
• teaching people who are eager to learn.
• meeting deadlines.
• asking for help and being supported.
• having my input and ideas respected and sought out.
• being creative and the appreciation of my creativity.
• having energy to live a whole life outside of work

Here's a visual interpretation of how I felt about my work day yesterday and the potential of this new job :) [I was water colour painting with my fingers when I came home from work! You can click through to see the full size on flickr, and the other painting I did with it too].

Okay, one more picture, before I move on to the good news. I was just so excited that I had the energy to art journal after work yesterday. My 365 picture was influenced too :)

Without further ado, drum roll please...
I was given another blog award!
Seriously!

Noel over at French Christmas, the queen of sharing her perceptive perspective in beautiful prose, gave me the

Wow! Thank you Noel. You've always been a supportive cheerleader of me and my writing and I really appreciate it! I'm really looking forward to that moment when you're ridiculously rich and famous from all the books you've written and published, and I can say, I knew you when... :)

The rules. Share seven things about myself. Then pass it on to five other stylish bloggers.

Things about me, huh?

• I love playing board games. Especially creative ones. And ones where a little competition adds to the fun.
  
• I once left the house without any pants on. I was about 9 or 10 and it was a lazy summer morning and I had wandered downstairs to the tv to watch cartoons in nothing but my fave Disney World sweatshirt, and my undies. My sister had to run an errand within walking distance and I distractedly ambled out the door with her. Sadly, I didn't notice until we were on our return. Luckily we hadn't gone back the same way, since that would have meant a second pass through a parking lot full of cute young boys playing road hockey, and giggling. Blush.
• I am the youngest of three children.
• I didn't finish high school.
• If I could have a free pass to eat whatever I wanted for one day without the fear of having a reaction, I would want baked macaroni and cheese, a butterscotch sundae and peanut butter cookies.
• I wear earplugs when I sleep
• I can build a wicked camp fire.
  

That's my seven, now on to my five.

Five fabulous bloggers. I'd love to give a nod to a collection of bloggers who are not in the eye of this blogger award tag storm that's been circling

Sweet Limes - who I met at the beginning of my blogging journey and immediately connected with. Everything she does is stylish. A beautiful, artistic, creative soul.

Cowgirl Red - I've only just met her, and I love the way she shares her innermost thoughts. It makes me feel so much less alone in what I experience. Her fabric creations are stunning, and I hope she doesn't mind if I show up one day at her breathtaking ranch and play cowgirl with her.

Pieces of Me - Jen's photography is just gorgeous! Another fellow reverber who is chasing after their creative dreams. Follow along for some adventures in New York City.

Mujerzen's Blog - At some point during reverb I found my way to this blog. Now I know whenever I stop by I can count on a hit of the most delicious poetry.

Live, Love, TRAVEL - I don't know Jaymi very well. I do want to thank her for sharing not just her beautiful photos. I love that she always explains her photo experiments and projects, making it a great place to be inspired to try something new.

Hope you find one in there that you enjoy as much as I do.

And remember... 5 more days until the JOY photo challenge closes!