Alphabet Soup - B is for Boyfriend

The subject for this post was picked last week. Alas, here I sit not wanting to write it. I am feeling sad, lonely, and frustrated. I've decided that I must follow through. Perhaps by writing this post I will pry myself loose and remember why I was so eager and excited to write it and share it with you in the first place.

There is a wonderful man in my life. After fifteen years or so, of poor choices and questionable boundaries, I met the man of my dreams. We had a whirlwind romance, and our ever expanding mash-up of friends love when we retell our story, from both sides. Perhaps I will post the whole thing at some point in the future. The condensed version is that we met in line at the grocery store and had a great laugh together, and an instant connection. It was just before my birthday last year, and we were headed to two separate birthday parties: mine, and a very close friend of his. This year we celebrated those birthdays together.

It's been like a roller coaster for us. Lots of hanging on tight and facing down the fear, a lot of incredible highs and exhilaration, and the realization of the strength you've gained from staying on the ride. So in celebration of the past 14 months together, 7 of which I now realize we've been co-habitating, here are 14 things I love about, and am grateful for in my partner:

1. I love that you have stood by me through my breakdown and rebuilding
2. I am grateful that my feeling "safe" was so important to you from the moment we started dating
3. I love how much you have challenged yourself and how much you have grown in the time that I have known you
4. I am so grateful that you made it look effortless to create a safe kitchen for me, first in your place and then in ours.
5. I love that you brush your teeth the instant you walk in the door so you can kiss me without fear of what you ate in the outside world, and that you didn't even flinch when I first asked you to do this
6. I am so grateful for the appearances, with nutrition and encouragement, on my very long runs when I was training for my very first marathon
7. I love that every time I asked you if I would complete the marathon, with so much doubt in my own voice, you always had a steadfast yes.
8. I am so grateful that you treated me kindly every time I wanted to run from this relationship, even when one of those attempted break-ups was in the middle of your dear friends' wedding.
9. I love that after one of those near-endings, you held me in your sleep, the entire night. I think that is when I truly fell in love with you.
10. I am so grateful for your patience with me after the breakdown, when I couldn't even bear to be touched
11. I love that you can be ridiculously silly, and I love how much we laugh, and how hard we laugh sometimes.
12. I am so grateful that being active and being outdoors is important to you, and that you love doing these things together. I love that part of the excitement with your newest hobby is that it's something we can do together as well.
13. I love how much you love your friends, and how much love they have for you, and now for me too.
14. I am so grateful that you are the kind of man who would drag a full size cooler through a high star hotel's lobby for me, because you knew it would make me safe and happy.

Now here I am, my eyes welling, finally freed from my black and white thinking of the past couple of days. I have an incredible, intelligent, affectionate man who admires me greatly and encourages me to soar. Ok, so maybe communication is not one of our strong suits at times, and luckily forgiveness is. I think we want so much to take care of each other that we get a little lost when trying to ask for what we need ourselves. Hey, we can't be all awesome, all the time, can we? :)

So here's to my man and me, and to you for keeping me honest.

A tribute to me and my maverick's first year together.